Too late!!

Is this the right moment,
to pour my heart out?
Or is it too late?

Can I hope to make you believe,
that we will realize our vision someday?
Or is it too late?

Can we finally make an effort to
walk those few extra steps?
Or is it too late?

Can I still make you glance back,
for a last look, after moving on?
Or is it too late?

Can the silence between us,
still answer all our emotions?
Or is it too late?

Can I let go of the sunshine, the joy,
breathlessness, anguish, tears?
Or is it too late?

Author: Jayeeta Sinha Roy

The Journey Within

The journey within
Through sparse and dense
Retracing steps
Back to innocence.

Retrospecting,
The exceptional and mundane
The zenith, the nadir
Surges of love, pangs of pain.

Reminiscencing
Simplicity, inability and acceptance
Failing, learning, unlearning
Yet, unfaltering perseverance.

Recollecting
Dark alleys of fear, abysses of despair
Nursing bruises, looking up again
Moments, frozen in a tear.

Reaching my genesis
Now, the entire show in a frame
Resolving to plan the future
But, there is destiny to blame.

Author: Jayeeta Sinha Roy

We The Women - Gen Ex & Gen Why.

Our parents lived in a generation, where they managed to find happiness in small and simple things in life. They ardently believed in the values taught to them, without even a single doubt crossing their minds. Perhaps, they were not as logical and analytical as we are today. But they scored over us in one very important aspect. They were tolerant and they accepted - easily.

Our mothers trusted blindly, followed loyally and were returned the same trust and loyalty on most occasions. They never felt insecure by the fact that they did not have their own money to spend. Neither did their ego stop them from asking for money, from their husbands. They believed in simplicity, innocence, the simple pleasures, and in the slow pace of life.
They did not think twice in reprimanding or showering with love, all the children in the extended family. They savoured life to the hilt and were at peace with themselves.

We the nex-gen, strove to change the lot of women, and we succeeded in exceling in every field, becoming financially independent, having our say in almost every issue under the sun, and proving to all and sundry, our prowess.
In the process, however, we overlooked something precious. We lost our peace of mind and we had to do without the sense of mental security.

Ultimately, it is an issue of, 'we gain some and we lose some'. But I really hope that the price we pay, is not one, that is too high.

Author: Jayeeta Sinha Roy

Lessons not learnt

When you let go of your guard,
and want to be 'you' again,
When tentatively, you allow your spirit to roam again,
with abandon
After eons of observing, calculating, judging,
when you are finally done with putting each face,
in a preconcieved cast,
When you are convinced about the permanence of unwavering solitude
and your unrippled existence...

That is when love sneaks in,
breaks your hallowed fortifications
and stays...
till the time, it can unsettle you again.

Author: Jayeeta Sinha Roy

You Changed Me Twice Over

You changed me twice over….
Once with love, then with pain
My heart rose to ethereal heights…
It barely could trust again.

You changed me twice over…
I begged, cried, reconciled then.
lips cold, spirit confined…..
Contentment – I learnt to feign.

You changed me twice over….
From adoring, all-believing eyes,
And soul dipped in softness…..
To clenched fists and severed ties.

Scaling heights of passion….
Then numbness regained.
You changed me twice over….
There's no trace of pain.

Belief Realized

In a moment of slumber....
Of a sleepless night
In layers of dreams....
A streak of light

An endorsement
of a belief held.....
Not by logic
only felt

That all's not lost
Its never too late
To learn the trick
that'll twist the fate

We all know
Deep down inside
What all it takes
To turn the tide

Its only love
and love alone
In its purest form
If it is shown

A barrier of ice
It is bound to melt
None of your logic here
It has to be felt.

Innocence, childhood & birthday memories...

My daughter Hiya turns 5 today. We are celebrating at a nearby club, with friends and family. The motto is ~ least hassle, most enjoyment. So, Hiya in a lovely white party frock, is all set to enjoy her special day. Foods, drinks, cake, games, all ready to order. We hardly have to move a finger. The children will enjoy and so will we.
I am suddenly reminded of memories of my birthday celebrations, or rather our birthday celebration as my brother and I have our birthdays on consecutive days, and it was convenient for my mother to celebrate both our birthdays on a single day. We never grudged her that, as we were too happy with the least that we got. My mother bought each of us a packet of toffees to be distributed in school, and I used to feel on the top of the world and very special with the little bit of extra attention that I got from my friends and my teachers.
My brother on the other hand, brought 3/4th of the toffees back, every year, because, after distributing about 15-20 of them, he used to feel alarmed at their quickly dwindling numbers, and would think it wiser to stop the distribution for the day.
Back home, we each had ~ a new dress, were exempted from our daily study routine, a cake to cut, and got to play with all our 'para' friends, and cousins, who would all have been by then, invited over to our place by our PR/para savvy dadi.
After endless rounds of 'lukochuri', 'dark room'which rendered us fatigued, we would be served a fixed birthday menu (which was exactly the same, year after year) of luchi, ghugni/alurdom, and payesh. At times, ghugni/alurdom would be replaced by chicken kosha, but these instances were few and far in between.
Most of the gifts that I received were books, which I was supposed to share with my brother, and perhaps a doll, which, thankfully I did not have to.
I still remember the arrangements and preparations and planning, being done by my ma and dadi, leaning over the stove, their faces red owing to the proximity to the heat and perhaps with a bit of excitement added to it. They had very little resources, but tons of enthusiasm.
That is perhaps the factor, that I lack. Enthusiasm.....I perhaps try to make up with glitz and abundance, and end up giving a 'plastic' birthday to my children.
The question, that arises today in my mind, is that, will my children remember their childhood birthday memories, 30 years hence?? the way that I am doing now??
Am I giving them a childhood that they would like to fondly return to in memories, when life pressurizes them too much.
Perhaps, they will. Perhaps, for each individual, their childhood is unique and precious to him/her, in their own way and perhaps, I have forgotten to identify the simple pleasures and innocence of life.
I really hope that the fault lies in the way, that I am seeing things, in my comparision between two vastly different generations. I really do, both for my sake and for theirs.